For over two weeks now, I have been struggling to carry on with my writing. Drafting, deleting and revising have become frustrating but habitual idiosyncrasies. While my pen has succumbed biddably to my will, my mind seems to be exasperatingly void. Having finished well nigh two thirds of my narrative now, I wonder if what I have been experiencing is some sort of a despondent escapism that my mind has deliberately designed, only to shun going about the few remaining chapters. For what’s coming is the most harrowing. But then, that having become my ineluctable destiny, how would I ever get away from what has also been my sanctuary and my hallowed refuge? How could I ever set one foot out of what has always been the blazing haven, to whose incinerating flames my whole being has been agreeably addicted. It seems, however, that I am lacking the strength, perhaps even the capacity, to come anywhere near the pain that I have been mollifying for years, and which has gnawed at my susceptible endurance. Living through the events contained in the upcoming chapters would sprinkle further salt on my raw wounds. And in riding this insane adventure, this is exactly what I am doing.
My agony, which I have been braving out for over one year of blogging, will henceforth intensify unbearably. And I pray that God upholds me through the remaining parts. For there will be times when my grief will be intolerable to myself. Much as I hate missing publishing deadlines, there will definitely be deadlines missed.
But then, the indefinable reverence that I profoundly bear in mind and soul and heart for this invaluable phase of my life, and first and foremost, my unbounded love for this worthily wonderful man, would surely bring me back. Having foolishly ridden this venture, I promise I will finish it up, even if it leads to finishing me off.
Trust that I will always come back, perhaps, not as regularly.
Your understanding and sympathetic patience is my support.
I would like, however, to seize this opportunity to express, once more, my heartfelt thanks to those of my readers who have accompanied me hitherto in this journey of ISHTARRIA. Having turned into a sweet habit, it’s indescribable the inundating excitement that sweeps through me every morning upon checking the traffic in my site. While it, perhaps, implies not much more, for some bloggers, than statistical figures through which they gauge the popularity of their sites, for me it is certainly a great deal more than that. For with every passing day I come to further appreciating the fabulousness of this world of blogging through which I have come to know so many wonderful people whom I now consider friends, yes, and dear ones too. I have even given them names, emblematic names that I’ve derived from their locations shown by my site meter. Readers regularly checking my site, particularly those readers who make multiple daily visits, despite their awareness of my weekly publishing date, gives my site a pulsating life; given this is my first experience with the arduous job of writing, it certainly makes it worthwhile.
Whether it has occurred merely by chance, or whether it’s my “good fortune”, 90% of ISHTARRIA’S visitors come from the USA. And this enlivens my hope strongly. I am now quite positive that ISHTARRIA would, one day, hopefully soon, reach the person for whom it was written.
I would like to express my special thanks to my Illinois readers. They, along with their fellow Californians, seem to top the list of my readers; it’s amazing how rapidly their number is growing. Of course, I wouldn’t forget to thank my other readers who come from various places in the USA—Alabama, Arizona, D.C, Florida, Georgia, Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Texas, Washington— and also from Canada.
My thanks also go to my Australian and Japanese readers, and all other readers coming from various places in Europe. Your keenness is a tremendous support.
I wouldn’t by any chance forget you, my dear friend, the lawyer. Well, You know who you are. Your last email was, as ever, fabulously wonderful, particularly since it came during the short absence of my friend Doreen….
My fellow Iraqi blogger Tara, of Tara talk, many thanks for all your wonderful emails. Just the mere sense of you being there for me, whenever I need a shoulder, gives me an incredible push to finish what I have insanely started.
You too, Abdullah, of Then some. How could I ever thank you enough my dearest for everything. May God protect you always, and shower peace and prosperity upon our beloved Iraq. Please stay safe. Your post of 25 Dec 2005 truly gave me a chilling shiver. You, Iraq, and our outstandingly brave Iraqis, are in my thoughts and prayers at all times.
Omar, of Iraq the model, whatever I say would still fall short of thanking you enough for your support and encouragement...كانت صدفة كلش حلوة ان استلم من عندك ايميل والبوست هذا ماثل للنشر خلال ثواني
Nancy, of Beth Nahrain, you and all Iraqi bloggers are Iraq’s white hopes.
Ihath, thanks for everything. Both your sites will always remain among my favourites; I always look forward to reading them
Once more, I would like to thank whoever has sent me emails, Xmas Cards, or left entries in the comment fields or in my guest book. Also, I am very grateful to whoever has recently linked to ISHTARRIA.
And last and foremost, a very special thank you goes to my dearest friend and my soul mate, Doreen. Notwithstanding the agony of years, I will always consider myself the luckiest, not only for having been blessed with the love of a wonderfully unique man as Martin, and for having a wonderfully supporting and loving family, but I am also blessed for having an incredibly wonderful friend like you. God bless you, and John too, for everything.
You too my dear Maryann, hope to hear from you soon. And I truly hope you’ve enjoyed your Xmas holiday.